Things They Left Unsaid
by troianinthgardn
Summary: The thoughts that Spencer and Toby had on their first meeting after Spencer found out about his involvement with the A-Team. Spoby fluff. One-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I was rewatching this scene after the S3 Finale aired and I couldn't help but think about what each character was thinking and feeling, after having such an intense relationship and then having such a clean break. It's probably totally lame but I had a lot of time to kill on Easter break! Please let me know what you think, even if you hate it. :)**

**PS: I don't own Spencer or Toby or any of the dialogue in this story, just the bits in between.**

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"_It's seat yourself, pretty eyes," Spencer heard the waitress say, as the door shut behind the latest customer to enter the diner. She knew then, for sure, that Mona had told her the truth, that he was alive, her Toby was alive – hadn't she herself marveled at those same beautiful eyes so many times? She closed her own eyes and allowed herself a few seconds of relief and gladness before remembering the weeks of torture his disappearance had put her through, the way he had facilitated her breakdown and not even called - he didn't care that his death was killing her. Her eyes snapped open. Toby was A. And she would do well to remember exactly what she was dealing with._

_Toby sat opposite her, his fluid frame sliding into the chair. She kept her face downcast; letting him speak first, wanting to hear what he might say, and hoping he might speak of her, even if he said something she didn't want to hear._

"_Hanna got the job."_

_His voice was soft, perfect, exactly how she remembered it. And yet it burned her. It burned her because she had accepted she would never hear this voice again, that it was lost to her forever. Taking a deep breath, she replied, only two words; she couldn't give him any more._

"_I know." _

He snapped to attention, certain he had misheard, misunderstood. This had to be just another case of her playing on his mind, clouding up his brain so that she was all he could think about, the only thing he saw when he closed his eyes. He stared at the hooded figure, trying to work it out but the hoodie was shapeless and gave away no clues of its wearer's identity. After an age, the stranger lifted her head and before he could prepare himself, he was staring into her face. Her chocolate brown eyes were wide with a mixture of relief and hatred; betrayal and love. He knew he had hurt her, unspeakably, but seeing a trace of how she used to look at him took away his guilt if only a little and he breathed easy again, for the first time since he had fled the Hastings' kitchen all those weeks ago.

"Spencer," he breathed.

_It was the only word he spoke but it made her breath catch in her throat. Spencer knew she should hate him, loathe him for all he had done to herself and her friends, for who knows how long, but she couldn't help herself, the sound of his voice made her want to reach out for him, to be held by him. 'Keep it together,' she thought, 'you're on your own here, Spence. He's not your Toby anymore.'_

"_When I was in Radley, Mona told me that you were alive." Toby opened his mouth to defend himself but she spoke over him, determined to let him have it. "I wanted to believe her but, until now…"_

_Her voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears, of anger not sadness._

"_Back in the woods, was that you? Were you a part of it?" she demanded, her fury growing. She was obviously mad at Toby for all he had put her through but mostly she was mad at herself. Spencer had always prided herself for being the smart, level-headed one. Hanna was the one who let herself be fooled by people – just look at what had happened with Mona! But here Spencer was, in the same, if not worse position, sucked in by the lies of the boy she had given everything to._

Toby could see her getting worked up. He could understand that she was angry with him, who could blame her? But he saw Spencer's typical stubbornness in her face and he knew she wasn't going to give him a chance to defend himself or explain. Maybe he didn't deserve it, after what he had done. He was never supposed to tell her about his involvement with the A-team, but this was different. She had signed up of her own accord. Maybe now he could tell her everything, all the things he had wanted to say in her kitchen on the night of their anniversary. He had played that scenario so many times in his mind on the sleepless nights – what he would say, how he could make her see that this was all for her sake. Could he even make her see that? He knew better than anyone what A had put Spencer and her friends through, hell; he had done a lot of it himself. He wasn't sure if she would ever forgive him but he'd be damned if he let Spencer Hastings slip through his fingers again and did nothing to try and catch her. "Mona told me after –"

"And you let me believe that you were dead?" she cut him off and started to sob, though she tried her best to hide it. Seeing her like that and knowing he was the cause tore him apart but he knew she needed to say these things to him. Then again, he also had things he needed to say to her, and he needed to say them now because he didn't know if he would ever get the chance again.

"Everything I've done was so I could protect you."

She blinked and after a pause she said, "I want to believe that," and he knew her hesitation was not unfounded, that he had earned her doubt. "Let me take you somewhere safe," Toby continued, trying to prevent Spencer from doubting him more. A thought struck him and he asked, "Does Mona know you're here?"

"No."

_For too long now, Spencer had been unsure of herself; who she was and where she belonged. Then she had found Toby's body in the woods and she had a purpose again: to find out what had happened to him, and ultimately, to avenge him. She had felt in control again since joining Mona, and until this point in her encounter with Toby she had felt like she was in charge. But the doubt began to cloud her mind again as she looked into Toby's face and saw only sincerity in his offer to take her somewhere safe. 'A safe place to land,' her own words crossed her mind before she could stop them and she knew instinctively she had been right about Toby all along. _

_She believed him. _

"_She told me that you would be there Friday. That you would be my reward for delivering the girls."_

_His eyes widened and she knew he was in shock that she would consider selling her friends to Mona. Maybe he was shocked that he was her price. But he was in no position to judge her, after all the awful things he had done, they both knew that. He tried a different tack._

"_How'd you find me?"_

"_She left me alone in her lair."_

_Despite everything, Spencer had to stifle a smirk. She had known all along she could outsmart Mona with the right tools and here was her proof. She had gotten around Mona to Toby and Mona had no idea. But beating Mona at her own game came at a price, and Spencer was forced to acknowledge what she had become._

"_I kidnapped a seven year old. I'm the reason Aria and Ezra broke up … so I've earned her trust."_

_She could see him process her words. He was disgusted, she could tell and yet she didn't care. Let him be disgusted. Let him think what he liked of her. She could never hurt him like he had hurt her, even if she wanted to. _

He knew Spencer hated herself for doing the things she was telling him about. But he understood her motivation. He had done some pretty despicable things himself in the past, in order to protect this girl, and he knew that she had done what was necessary to find out the truth about what had happened to him; because that's what people did when they were in love, they pushed themselves beyond their limits to do what was right for their other half.

"It's not safe for you to be here," he tried again to convince her to leave with him, to put some distance between them and Mona, she knew this diner was significant, any one of the dozens of people here could be recording their conversation under her orders. He pleaded with his eyes but Spencer wouldn't budge, saying only, "I stopped worrying about me a long time ago," and only then he knew how much pain he had truly caused her.

Years later, if someone were to ask Toby what the lowest point in his life was; he would tell them this story. He wouldn't think of the sick things Jenna had done to him, or the time he had spent in juvie. No, he would tell them of the moment when he saw first-hand the extent of the damage he had done to the girl he loved, when he saw that her scars ran so deep that he feared that he, or anyone, would never be able to fully heal them.

Once more he tried; he gave one last plea for her trust. He knew that if she couldn't give it to him now that it was all over. She would move on with her life and he would have to try and do the same. "What we had was real. I've been pretending to work with Mona so I could keep you safe. I need you to believe me." For a few moments they stared at one another, both determined not to back down. He could see in her face that he was getting through to her. "And I need you to follow me," he finished.

_She watched him rise, and leave the diner. He had nothing more to give; he had said all he could say. Did she trust him? She didn't know for sure, but her gut told her she should. After all, had he been the skilled liar she imagined, wouldn't he have stayed, still trying to convince her of his love? Or was he so sure of her love for him that he knew she would follow? Because she was going to follow. They both knew it. Still unsure whether her motive was love or curiosity, Spencer threw a few dollars on the table, and left in his wake._

_Across the parking lot, the headlights of a tan coloured truck flared up._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: A couple of people asked that I continue this format into the motel scene from the same PLL episode (3x24). So here it is! You guys rock! Seriously, you made my day haha! Please review, I'll give you all cookies :)**

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The room was bare, the wardrobe empty, the dresser untouched. He could see her make a mental note of this as he prepared for her a cup of strong coffee. 'Same old Spencer,' he thought, and it comforted him to think that maybe some of his Spencer was left in this girl dressed in a black hoodie with matching eye make-up.

"It doesn't look like anybody lives here," she observed and he recognised that she was testing him. That he could be honest with her, for the first time in over a year was the best feeling he'd had in a very long time. "I shuffle between a few motels. Mona doesn't know about this one."

She accepted the cup; holding his hand for a few seconds longer than necessary in doing so. "And Red-Coat?" she challenged him, as though reminding them both that they were here under business conditions only.

Again with the doubt. He understood her doubt of course, but he had told her everything he knew in the truck. Sighing, he sat on the edge of the bed and wearily replied, "The only thing I know about Red-Coat is that she's in charge."

"I know."

He knew by her stance, the way she avoided his eyes that she didn't believe him.

"You still don't trust me," he accused her.

"Look," she began, defensively, daring him to accuse her again, "I understand why you've been helping Mona. I made the same decision. But if I saw you hurting…the way that I know you saw me…" she trailed off, tears threatening to spill down her face. He couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. She was right. Of course she was right, she was Spencer Hastings. He knew what he had done to her. The same scenes still played over and over in his mind, like someone was pressing repeat. How she was attacked on the Halloween train while he was powerless to help without giving the game away. The look on her face, that night, when she ambushed him in her kitchen. When she cried herself out for hours outside his loft and there was nothing he could do because Mona was there. He could still hear her sobbing, 'Please tell me there's something that…that I don't know?'

Why should she trust him? After all he had put her through.

"Toby," she began, her voice contrite. Their eyes met briefly, chocolate brown and ocean blue, both pairs swimming with tears, before he looked away ashamedly.

_Toby Cavanaugh was crying. She knew he was a good actor after all the months of lies, but no one could cry on cue like that. She remembered the one and only time she had ever seen him cry before. She hadn't known him then. Out jogging, she'd seen two kids cross the street to avoid him and he had run down an alley, sank to the ground and cried. It was this incident that made her decide to trust him at all, and history was repeating itself. She had never seen him cry again, until now, and they had been through so much both together and separately. She understood that his tears conveyed his true pain; expressed physically what he couldn't express verbally, at least not yet. They were his apology, his plea for forgiveness and his promise that protecting her had been his priority all along._

_She crossed the short space in between them, knelt before him and cupped his face. "Hey," she whispered, stroking his face, knowing he would interpret her forgiveness in her actions. Both sobbing, they gave each other half smiles, and, like he couldn't hold back any longer, he pulled her towards him. They still moulded together perfectly, her hands on his shoulders, his holding the small of her back. For a moment they appreciated being so close to one another again, but even that was too far apart. She allowed him to pull her closer and she kissed him. It was so easy, perhaps too easy, to kiss Toby again after all he had done to her but she found herself uncaring. Her Toby was back in her arms again and that was all that mattered._

Watching her tread so nervously out of the little bathroom brought Toby back to the first night he and Spencer had shared in a motel. 'Top or bottom?' he had teased, and he remembered being stunned when she joked, 'Top!' This situation was identical to that, down to her wearing his shirt. He much preferred blue on her, rather than black. She padded over to where he sat on the same part of the bed, and he accepted her into his arms, pulling her to him for another kiss. She let him manoeuvre her to the top of the bed, his strong arms wrapped round her, his bare chest pressed against her. He placed his hands round her waist and felt her perfect curves and he moaned softly when she wrapped her leg around him. He couldn't get close enough to her.

_She left the bathroom dressed only in a pyjama shirt Toby had given her. She recalled the first night they spent together; how she had kept the shirt he had given her then, and decided she would keep this one too. He sat in the same spot as earlier, wearing the bottoms which matched her shirt. She suppressed a smile as the thought crossed her mind; they too, were the two halves of a matching set. He opened his arms to her and she gladly entered his embrace. She nudged him towards the head of the bed and they lay together, their lips never parting, her hands caressing every part of him she could reach. Using their hands, they explored each other's bodies like they hadn't in so long until neither could hold back any longer. She gave herself to him in a way which was more meaningful than even the first time had been. This was the physical proof that they were a pair; stronger than ever, never again to be torn apart._

When it was over, he still didn't let her go. He didn't ever want to leave this room, he wished they could both stay here, safe and together, but most importantly, lost to Mona and Red-Coat for the rest of their lives. Holding Spencer had been the only enjoyment in his life for over a year, and losing it, if only temporarily, had been difficult. Now that he had her back, he was reluctant to let her go.

_He needn't have worried, for Spencer was in no hurry to be let go. There was nothing she would leave his hold for at that moment, not even her friends. She couldn't stop kissing him either, not that she was trying. Burying her face in his neck, she inhaled his inherent Toby smell, sharp cinnamon combined with that 'boy' smell that no cologne could ever recreate. His scent alone was enough to send shivers up her spine and she kissed him more passionately, covering his neck and chest in the tingling sensation only her lips allowed. _

They lay together, holding hands, their fingers entwined, locked in each other's. Spencer fell asleep first, as Toby had begun to worry that Mona had found some way to get to them – it wouldn't be the first time she had gotten information that someone had tried to hide from her. He looked at Spencer's face, memorising it all over again. His memory had not done her justice during their time apart. She looked so peaceful, and he noticed some faint creases in her brow – a result of the stress of finding his 'corpse'? Sighing, he looked at the ceiling and vowed to spend the rest of his life protecting Spencer from everything, be it Mona's madness or a simple case of a spider in her room. She would never fear again if he could help it. He rolled over and pulled her close to him so that they were spooning, and just as they had always done, they fit.


End file.
